You really coming over, don't trick.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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