At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
