Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
