Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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