my vag is so smooth its legendary
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
