quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
