I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
