Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
