Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
