You can't special order awesome
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
