My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
