Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize