First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
