last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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