I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
