I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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