did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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