Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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