Soap is not a condiment
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
