the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
