Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
