it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
