honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
