you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
