dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
