it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
