I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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