You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I lost the right to judge tonight
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
