She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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