btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
this just has baby written all over it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
