dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
