My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
