Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
