is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
