Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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