I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
