Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We need to get me chipped asap
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
