...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
