No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
