I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
