they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
