just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
