He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
