im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
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