2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
