U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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