I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
