Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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