my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
