my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
