last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
