There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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