I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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