I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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