I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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