4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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