Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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