R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
