My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
