Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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