In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
