Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So much rum. So many feels.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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