I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
