why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
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You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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