I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
