she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
