If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
