gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish you could order shots online.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
