You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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