You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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