he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
time to smoke my breakfast
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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