i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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