Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
