My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
