It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
