Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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